About 6 months ago I got scolded. Yeah, that’s right. I am 38 years old, and I got scolded…by my social worker. She is a wonderful lady and someone who I have become fairly close to, but when she came to visit us at our “six month post placement” check up, so scolded me. She “encouraged” me to make sure that I kept a life outside of K, outside of just being K’s Mama! Initially, I was appalled! My first response wanted to be, “I have a friggin’ life!!!!” Right? Don’t I? But once she admonished me to get out there and meet people, I realized, “Dang, she’s right!”
Now, don’t get all weird on me and send me stupid messages about how I am blessed to be a Mom! I know this already! While I know that I have a full life with my son, it’s true, I need to maintain friendships. It’s true, I need a nap here and there. It’s true, I like to get my nails done! I need to have my own social life. Not only that, let’s be real people, I would love to meet someone to share my awesome life with, but only if they are fabulous like me (just sayin’!). During her “lecture,” she pointed out that I would be a more effective parent if my son saw that I could still have a life and be an amazing mommy!
*BIG disclaimer: When she told me to get out there and get a social life, I want to clarify—that doesn’t mean that I leave my kid with a sitter every night to go shake my a$$ at the club. It also doesn’t mean that I am so selfish that I only focus on ME, ME, ME!!! When you have kids—it is about them. They should be your focus, but you do indeed need to do things for yourself. *
Ironically enough, this story does lead me back to one of my biggest passions—adoption! You would be amazed at the things people say to me about my son and how we became a family! I am very upfront about my adoption. Like I have said previously, it’s no secret that he’s adopted. I have had people question, “So are you not ABLE to have kids?” or “I want kids of MY OWN! So I don’t know that I would want to raise a kid that isn’t my own!” or “Don’t you want your OWN kids?” Uh, hello ignorant person, he is MY OWN kid! And is this how you will view your “step” kids? Is this how you want your future wife/girlfriend/partner to refer to your kids? It’s amazing that people say such things! But that isn’t even the worst of it!
Since I adopted as a single woman, I don’t have any “baby daddy drama” AKA no “dad” to take K on weekends or that I have to battle with over child support or how to raise him. I have so many friends who have horrible relationships with exes and all it does is hurt the kids. I am not pointing the finger, but I know it’s tough to go round and round with someone you used to love and be with.
So back to my main point—no baby daddy drama interestingly enough—this is a BAD thing. I have had men say that they couldn’t go out with me because there is obviously something “wrong” with me because I haven’t ever been married. Really? Having never been married makes me not “dateable”? Interestingly enough, it makes me a dating pariah! I know, I know, I’m 38 and no, I haven’t been married, but I am actually proud of this fact! I have chosen to wait for the right guy and do this thing once as opposed to having a LOT of drama in my life.
So, I end this with an announcement to all the dudes out there who have missed out on dating this fabulous, intelligent, amazing, funny, witty, sassy, gorgeous, woman who loves God! Suck it!
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