I get my nails and feet done on a regular basis and I have been going to the same people for years. Ann and Jenny are my girls! They take good care of me when I hit the nail shop! However, the topic lately (for the past several months) has been about my son. Ann and Jenny are very sweet and alwaysask to see pictures of K. They always comment on how big he is getting and how happy he looks. They want to know how his English is coming along. They always inquire about what new foods he likes and whatnot. Not only that, they are always concerned about how much I have to work and how much time K spends in childcare. It is a genuine interest!!! I can tell!
So let’s get to it! Some of their comments utterly and completely INFURUATE ME!!! Their statements thoroughly PISS ME OFF!!! Not kidding at all! Seriously, there have been times that I have wanted to get out of that wonderful heated, massage chair, kick them in the teeth and walk out and NEVER come back! I would NEVER tolerate someone saying the things they do to me about adoption, birth parents, race, Africa, etc. And if you know me, you know that I can smack you upside your head in a minute if you step to me wrong about any of these kinds of things!
Because I am SOOOOOOOO passionate about these things, I feel it my responsibility, nay, my obligation, to educate or at least try to enlighten people who say such things. Even if I can’t educate or enlighten, I can at least go off on them, right?! No really, right????
Sadly, this doesn’t work with these women. And here is how I have found my Zen place about this and their comments. They don’t know any better! Honestly, they don’t! Between our “basic” English conversations and me trying to “dumb down” (for lack of a better word) the process because, let’s face it, even native English speakers have a problem understanding the particulars of adoption, race and the orphan crisis. Some native English speakers still think that Africa is just one big country (and not a continent) and that the various countries are just “states”!
I have tried to explain that I truly am K’s “real” parent. I have tried to explain that you should not say things like, “He is so dark!!! Didn’t you want a lighter kid?” I have reminded them that I don’t share K’s story with people because it’s his story to tell! I have stressed the importance of not comparing me to Angie Jolie or Madonna. I have tried to clarify that I didn’t “buy” my son. I have attempted to inform them that you really shouldn’t verbalize that once his “parents” find out that he is living in America, they will be so happy! I have repeatedly declared that you really shouldn’t say things like, “Didn’t you want your own kids?” Not only that, I have frequently stated, you CANNOT ask a woman if she is barren!!! EVER!!!
While my patience has run thin on this topic with them, I know it comes from a pure place of total ignorance and a serious language barrier! Both of these women do not possess strong English speaking skills and the comprehension is low. They constantly ask me to explain words to them since they know I am a “teacher” and they want to speak better English and understand more as well! They are truly trying and for that, I say, you go girl!!!
To make matters more complicated, I know NOOOOOOO Vietnamese!!! So that doesn’t help, right? But as I was saying, they are just ignorant! The definition of ignorance is the “lack of knowledge or education.” And I feel like this is truly fitting for this situation. These women are truly happy for me. These women always want to know what K is eating, how he is feeling, and what his favorite movie is. These women always ask about him and show a genuine interest in him and our life together.
While I am passionate about the aforementioned things, I am also passionate about loving people where they are at and not judging them! I guess I just need to continue to chalk it up to “they just don’t know any better!” And really, they don’t! No, really, they don’t!
PS—have I used enough exclamation points? Yeah, I think so!!!
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