My Pragmatic Learner

Picture this:  In line at Disneyland, waiting, not so patiently, to get on Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride.  I have told K probably no less than 4 times, ‘Please don’t stick your head in between those bars!  You could get hurt.  And Mommy doesn’t want you to get hurt, right?”  And what does he do?  Pushes his head ALL THE WAY through and gets stuck in the railing/fence.  Happy Friggin’ Mother’s Day! 

Now he is screaming bloody murder because his head won’t come out.  My mom and dad are trying to help me help him but he has the strength of an ox at this point.  His head is REALLY stuck.  There are screams of major proportion happening at our point in line and to add insult to injury, the line has significantly moved, so it is us who are holding up others from getting on the ride.  Initially, I try to use my calm, “Baby, calm down. Mommy is here” voice.  It’s not working and he seems to getting more nervous/scared.  So I transition to my, “K, stop it and calm down” irritated/in trouble voice.

How is it that his head can go in but can’t come out?  I am trying to flatten his ears, push his skull together as if he was comin’ through the birth canal, but it won’t budge.  I lick my fingers and rub the sides of his head.  Nope—no progress.  Finally, I see the scornful/scared/unapproving eyes of other parents in line.  It’s clear that I am not living up to their parenting standards and I do only what I can to resolve this situation and blend back into the abyss of people at Disneyland.  I quickly turn his torso to the side and push his whole body through the fence.  Thank ya Jesus that his body is smaller than his head.  I reach over and pick up his whimpering body on the other side of the railing and carry him inside the ride. 

But again, I fail in the category of “Mom of the Year” because I don’t comfort him and tell him he’s gonna be ok.  I ask him if he’s ok and when he nods, I scold him for not listening and tell him, “Stop crying!  You did this to yourself because you didn’t listen!”  I know I’m in trouble when the man in front of us reaches into his Disneyland bag and hands K a “collectors” Disneyland baseball, offering words of encouragement and sympathy to K (clearly for K being stuck with the wicked witch of the west as a mother).

Sadly, K’s a pragmatic learner.  And fortunately, he hasn’t done it again! Lesson learned.