GPS—Guilty Parent Syndrome

Having grown up in a Jewish AND Catholic household—I can accept, create, dish out and internalize guilt with the best of them!  However, being a single mom who works—I often wonder why there wasn’t a class for “how to handle guilt when you work too much” that I had to take during my adoption process?  Am I the only mom who works who loves it/hates it/feels guilty about loving it and hating it? I highly doubt that!

Now for all the born again believers out there—don’t lecture me on the whole “you have been set free from the curse of the law.  There is no condemnation to those who are in Christ…I SOOOOO already know all this…yet…I am still a single mom who works 2 jobs and who has my kid in school about 50 hours a week!  Guilt is still there sometimes y’all!!!

I am not saying that he isn’t adjusting well—he so is!  I am not saying that I don’t love him—I so do (and he knows it).  I am not even saying that I think that childcare is harmful to him—it is SOOO not hurting him!  What I am saying is that I wish there were more hours in the day.  I love working and don’t want to stop (even if I got married to the richest man alive, whoever that is!).  K loves school and has learned so much in the year he has been here, but there is a part of me, at times, that feels like I don’t give him enough time with me! I know, I know—it isn’t about quantity but about quality (or whatever other cliche’s we can toss toward this situation), but it still doesn’t change the reality!

I know that women have been carrying this burden for years, and I have even encouraged my fellow working mom’s when they have come to me feeling like they have let down their kiddos by working long hours or not being there more, so why is it tough to look at the (wo)man in the mirror and give myself this same pep talk?  I’ll tell ya why—cause we are ALL masters of other people’s lives, aren’t we?  We can see what they don’t see.  We can encourage them in areas of their lives that we know they are rocking!!!  We can even counsel and advise them in areas where we see that they are, well, messing up in!  Right?! But when it comes to us encouraging, advising, counseling, pep-talking ourselves, well, it doesn’t always happen!

So… my kid will continue to go to school for around 50 hours a week. I will continue to work 2 jobs (unless someone wants to underwrite my childcare costs for the year?  Anyone?  You can make that check payable to Char Williams).  And every so often, I will feel guilty about it.  Nuff said!!!