Just so happens…from last February

I have been a bit nervous about February. I have been a bit excited about February and a little anxious about February’s approach!  With this month comes my 1 year anniversary of being a mom.  I guess the greater thing to remember is that it’s also the 1 year anniversary of my son HAVING a mom!  It was 1 year ago this month that I was packing my bags, being celebrated by friends, coworkers and family at multiple showers and crying pretty much every second that I was alone!  Even though I had 17 months to prepare, I had only seen his face in a photo 4 months (almost to the day) before I was to get on a plane.  I was nervous, excited, worried, concerned, stoked, frazzled, and sleep deprived.  There was so much to do to fly to the other side of the world to meet my son!

Now, a year later… I am still nervous, excited, worried, concerned, stoked, frazzled, and sleep deprived.  But for different reasons (as all of you who are parents can understand).  There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think, “Am I doing a good job?  Do I even know what I am doing?  Does anyone?”  On the other hand, there are days that I think, “I GOT THIS!!!”  True, those moments are short lived when he is fighting going to sleep or running into the street and laughing at me when I try to chase after him to save his life!  But I digress!

It is also this month that he turns a year older and I am ever thoughtful of his birth parents.  While what I know about them is limited—I love them!  Truly!  Oh Lord… without them, there would be no “us”.  I don’t know what they look like, but in a sense I do—I look at my son’s amazing smile and his happy eyes, and I can see them…  I know, I know… that sounds so ridiculous and cliched, but it’s positively true.  Z and M (I am purposely not spelling out their names) are my heroes in the purest sense of that word.  I know they will never read this (heck they don’t even speak English or even know who I am), but without their love, their sacrifice, and their gift, I wouldn’t have K!  I am constantly reminded of their true gift of love when he tells me, “Mommy, I love you forever!”

So… it’s been a year!  We keep plugging along.  We continue to get to know each other and trust each other.  We continue to grow in love with each other.  We continue to mess up and then make it right with each other.  We continue to laugh and cry and hug and be goofy with one another!  And even though I know that he is a hint of who his birth parents are, he is also a representation of who I am!  He is my son and I am his mommy!  God I love that!!!