Tuesday Truth-day! June 21, 2011

*I will use each Tuesday to rat myself out about something!  It’s all in good fun and I am sure that these “truth-day” revelations won’t be things people don’t already know about me!

I love when my kid doesn’t eat all his food on his plate.  I grew up in a household full of guilt.  My mother always forced us to eat everything on our plate before we could be excused from the table.  Not that I am (wholly) blaming her for my food addiction issues, but I think it did lay the foundation for bad eating habits.  

Well, not I’m a mom and K is a grazer.  He would eat every 2 hours if I would let him, and for the most part, I do.  Also, when he tells me that he’s finished, I don’t push it—even if it’s just one small bite.  He knows when he is full and I want him to listen to his body.  But I have to admit—his food is usually a lot more yummy than mine is and I am stoked when he doesn’t finish his pizza, or French fries, or fish sticks, or chicken fingers, or hamburger, or whatever.  And you all know why—because then, along with my pitiful salad and boneless, skinless chicken breast, I get a little bite of heaven (AKA CARBS and grease!).

Letter to Z! Two Years Ago Today!

Dear Z,

Two years ago today, you relinquished your son!  I will never know the pain you went through to make that grueling decision.  I may never know the reasons for your decision, but all I can say is—thank you!  Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be his mother.  Without your significant sacrifice, I would never have had him in my life.  And you must know that my life has truly changed for the better.  Do you know that you are a topic of conversation around our home?  Do you know what his future would hold when you painfully released him?  Could you have imagined that we would write you letters on his birthday, Mother’s day, and the day he and I became a family?  Do you know that we pray for you in our nightly prayers?  You are truly a part of our family and that will never change!

Thank you for allowing me to raise him.  I know that thank you isn’t enough. It can never be enough!  It will NEVER be enough.  Having been his mom for 16 months, I know that having to part with him would be unthinkable, but you did indeed do just that.  Your overwhelming love for him is more powerful than my simple words can convey.  Your devotion to his well being cries out every time I look into his eyes.  I wonder how much he looks like you!  I wonder when/if I will ever be able to hug you, tell you how much I love and appreciate you, and then hug you some more!  I dream of the day that I will be able to tell you that you to your face are one of my heroes.  I wait for/long for/look forward to the day that K will be able to hug you too!  

So again, two years ago today, you made one of the toughest decisions that you probably will ever make and for that, I have to again say…thank you!  Thank you a thousand times!

Eh-wud-ish-ha-lo Z!

It’s not a gun Mommy, it’s a laser!!!

Weren’t we all perfect moms before we became moms?  I had all these ideas and preconceived notions about what kind of mom I would be once I became a mom.  I had an opinion for every mom I saw in the street about how she SHOULD be dealing with her kid!!!  Obviously, I kept those opinions to myself, but I had ‘em alright, oh yes I did!  Awwww hindsight!  You are one of the wisest teachers, aren’t you?

I was adamantly opposed to any form of censorship (“When I am a mom, I will let my kid listen to anything!  He needs to know what’s out there!  It doesn’t matter if people cuss around him!” Yeah right!).  I was never going to allow my child to co-sleep with me (“Kids need to be in their own beds!  It’s not natural for them to sleep with you!”)!   I was never going to let my kids watch TV (while I was able to keep K from the grips of the TV for 9 months, I have since succumbed!).  I was never going to let my child act up in public (as if I could stop him).  I was never going to allow him to sass me (as if I could stop the initial sass.  After the first time, I take care of it, but still).  I was never going to let my child run into the street (have you seen how fast this kid is?)!  I was never…and the list goes on!  

But here we are 15 months into motherhood and really…my main battles are minimal but they are a lot of work!  First, I have been trying to keep people from saying potty talk (poo poo, caca, stupid, shut up, idiot, etc) around K so that he continues to know that it isn’t ok to say such things.  The next thing is that he listens. When his teachers say to stop something, he has the tendency to say something to the effect of, “Hell to the No!!!!”  What I want him to say is, “ok!” And finally, I need him to remember that we don’t allow guns in our household!  While I am not morally opposed to guns, I just don’t want him “shooting” people.  He has used his wily mind to get around this by making everything a laser!  Really, son, a laser that sounds like a gun!!!  Hmmmmmm.  Do you think that you have tricked me?  I think NOT!  

Note to K:  And by the way, just because I let you watch TV, you have Defcon 1 meltdowns in public that I can’t control or anticipate, you slept in bed with me for over a year and you are still struggling with listening to your teachers and other adults—I won’t tolerate the gun thing homie!  Not one bit!

Cusp of Crazy or Calm Cool Collected

Discipline!  Oi vey!  This is probably one of the worst part of the parental gig! Seriously, it is!  We all know it’s a must.  We all know we have to do it.  We all know we should do it.  We all know… yadda yadda yadda!  But still—it remains.

I love K so much and waited so long for us to become a family that it’s tough for me to look at discipline in a way where all parties “win” (he gets the point of why he is in trouble and I don’t feel like a big fat meanie).  Yet, having said that, I sure as heck don’t want a snotty, rude, disrespectful, kicking, spitting, biting, brat—so discipline is a must.  I have read a ton of books and subscribe to a blog that gives me parenting/disciplining advice.  I also really try to employ the consequences method as opposed to punishment.  He has seemed to be responsive to it and we have been able to work some things out in this area (well…. mostly… he’s 3 y’all!  His critical thinking skills are forming, but…).

For those of you who have met my son—you know he’s a pretty sch-nazzy fella!  He is respectful and kind (for the most part) and tries really hard to be a “I a goo listen Mama, right?” kind of kid.  I speak to him in Amharic (his native language) as well as English and always give praise for even, at least, trying to be polite and use manners and whatnot.

However—the other day, as I came around the corner from the kitchen, I see him about to jump off the couch onto my grandmother’s heirloom coffee table that has a glass top, I screamed, “KWALI ROBEL MUSE!  WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?????? DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT”  He stopped in mid air, fell back on the couch, laughed at me, stood up, looked at me and sweetly said, “Chill out Mommy!  Jus chill out!”  What I realized was that my tone and body language wasn’t one of discipline or control but that of a crazy person!  I went strait up wack-a-doodle on him!  I might as well have been running toward him with my arms flailing in the air screaming nothings for all he cared—I would have gotten the same reaction from him.  

Here is the hard part—how do you not laugh to your 3 year old repeating back to you what you have said to him at least 100 times?!  How do you not laugh when you know that he doesn’t really know what “Chill out” means except that I say it to him when he is whining!  So basically, in his mind, I was whining!

I know we all share the same dilemma, but seriously, going wack-a-doodle as a solo parent isn’t cool.  Not cool at all Mama!