Who woulda thought that that woulda happened at IHOP!?

I am blessed to work at a place that gives me the week between Christmas and New Years off, and that it’s paid!  Not only that, my dad’s birthday falls during this week, so it’s been our tradition for me to take him to lunch (just the two of us) on his birthday!  Since I have become a mama, obviously, K has joined us and my dad loves it even more now, I think.

So, as per our usual, we went to a late breakfast/early lunch and it was his choice of where to go. My dad, being the decadent guy that he is, chose IHOP!  When I asked him why, he simply said, “I think K will like it because you can see the train tracks from the window, and I like the food, why?”  I wasn’t’ berating his choice, I just didn’t think that this would be his choice since I was footing the bill!!!

But as I have learned, everything happens for a reason.  K does love the view from IHOP.  He can see all the cars on the 6 lane road and the railroad crossing—it’s like a little bit of heaven for him!  Yet, this time was different. As we were walking out, this woman approached me and asked me where my son was born!  I could tell by looking at her that she was from the Motherland, but wasn’t sure if she was Ethiopian, Eritrean or Somalian (not saying they all look alike, so don’t send me hate mail, I just didn’t want to assume anything!!!).  After I told her he was born in Ethiopia, she said, “I am from Ethiopia too!  Can I ask his name?” 

Fast forward 15 minutes.  It was an amazing conversation in the parking lot of IHOP.  Come to find out, her son shares K’s birth name and she lives locally.  She was stoked to discover that there was a little Ethiopian community right here in Orange County.  I shared with her about all of our friends and that we were celebrating Timket in January and that we had just recently eaten at Tana Restaurant in Anaheim and that many of us have gone to culture class in LA. 

We exchanged numbers and she hugged both K and me.  As with most of my encounters with Ethiopians, it was beautiful!  But, it was not only a wonderful encounter; it was fantastic for my dad to see it as well.  Since my dad didn’t travel with me to pick up K in Ethiopia, he hasn’t seen much native, adult Ethiopian reaction to my adoption.  He has asked me, on several occasions, how Ethiopians feel about Westerners adopting “their” kids, so I know it’s a concern of his.  He is very aware of my feelings about making sure that not only K, but others KNOW that he is ETHIOPIAN-American! He was so happy to have had the chance to talk with her and hear her thoughts.

As we pulled out of the parking lot at IHOP, we were all grins and basically shared the same sentence over and over—wow!  Who woulda thought that that woulda happened at IHOP!?

National Adoption Awareness Month

November is National Adoption Awareness month!  Let’s get involved somehow in the orphan crisis worldwide, please?!

So Why Adoption?

I hear many people say that adoption is a great cause - “I’ll definitely look into it if I can’t have my own kids.”  While that is the reason many couples across the globe choose to turn to the wonderful method of adoption to bring little bundles of joy into their lives, it shouldn’t be the only reason one considers adoption. 

The Need

The need for loving families to adopt is great. In 2008, it was reported by the Children’s Bureau of the Administration for Children and Families of the United States Department of Health and Human Services that in America alone, there were 123,000 orphans (NumberOf.net).  But why should we? It’s not our fault their parents’ died or are abusers or druggies or have been put in jail, right? What does it matter to us?

As humans, we desire to help others and to heal the hurting.  The issue of orphans and the lack of adoption taking place to help them is a large problem in today’s world - a world we all call home.  Many organizations are reaching out and identifying the needs orphans face around the world.  Social workers, humanitarians, activists - all are seeing the need, the hurt, and going to being a better life to a child in need. 

Consider It

While I strongly believe that as many loving families as can should adopt, I am not saying it is for everyone or should be required for every family.  What I do strongly believe is that every family should at least consider the possibility of becoming an adoptive family, helping orphans in some way, or find a way to assist an adoptive family.  Adoption is not something every family can or should do. However, every person should help orphans in some way or another.  

My hope is that, this month, this blog will encourage you to consider ways to get involved in supporting the cause of the orphans and adoption.

What will your role be?

36 hours…

A couple of weekends ago, I had a bad one.  No matter what I did, it didn’t seem like I could get it together, as a mom.  K was in a mood—and granted, everyone is allowed to have a bad day, but we were jam-packed with activities with friends, so public meltdowns and attitude is NEVER fun.  It seemed like no matter what I did or how I corrected him, he was contrary. 

Well, within a 36-hour period, I cried at least 10 times.  Not just tears welling up in my eyes, but serious tears.  After about the third cry, I started keeping track.  Why not capture each moment where I had mini-meltdowns.  *Coach Gray was very supportive, just want y’all to know that!*

Sometimes, I feel really confident about this “being a mom” thing and on weekends like this, I feel like I suck worse than a moldy piece of bread! 

So here you go:

Some random commercial about a show on Lifetime Movie Network

K telling me “You my favorite Mommy!”

Tarzan—conversation with his mom about how they are different, but the same, “See we’re exactly the same!”

Tarzan—conversation with his mom when he is about to leave and he says, “No matter where I go, you will always be my mother.”

K refusing to say, “I love you” to me when he went to bed after a day of discipline and punishments.

K telling me he loved me, first words out of his mouth when he woke up in the morning.

Ending of Toy Story 3 (gets me every time!!!).

When K got dressed all by himself—head to toe (even socks and shoes—and on the right feet).

K telling me, “Our life is super big awesome Mommy!”

After trying to utilize different discipline techniques with K for being rude and sassy and not listening and _______________, and nothing seemed to work—I just sat down on the floor and cried!

Bakers Dozen

Well, within 9 days I have been recognized 13 times on this island.  I wasn’t going to count when the first few happened.  I actually don’t expect people to remember my story from my 4 minutes of fame (if you can call it that) on LA INK, honestly.  Yet, the reason I started counting was because people haven’t just been coming up to me to ask me if I was on the show, but have been sharing with me how inspiring my story was—and that is what has blessed me the most.  That is the reason I really wanted to do the show! Well, and I knew I’d get an amazing tattoo too!

I got to talk to 2 young couples who are here on vacation who have struggled with fertility issues.  One of the women told me that she didn’t know that adoption was really something for them, but once she saw me on the show, they have been doing research on adoption and trying to find what might be the best fit for them.   

An older couple from Tennessee said they recognized me from the show because they are raising their granddaughter and she loves the show—they watch it with her to have something “cool” to talk to her about.  Not only that, one of their granddaughter’s friends was recently pregnant and gave her baby up for adoption and, for them, I was the only “face” of adoption they had seen, so they felt great about this young girl giving her baby to a family who desired to have kids!  They thanked me!

A 40-something couple didn’t recognize me, but they recognized K and asked if I was his mom.  When I turned around and said yes, they saw the tattoo and both screamed at each other, “I told you it was them!” 

A few people haven’t recognized me or K, but they recognized the tattoo and approached me to ask about Kat, the shop, and the overall experience. 

I have had a couple of teenagers come up to me and K and just wanna hug him and that’s been sweet.  It’s after they comment on him and how cute he is that they ask about my adoption and the experience of getting a tattoo by Kat. 

One response I seem to get from a lot of people is how happy K looks—and that makes me proud.  I love that he’s happy and that others can tell!  He really is a happy kid.

I have been honored that people have shared their stories with me and that I have been able to share a bit of my story with others through this tattoo! That’s what it’s all about, right?

Let's Love our Neighbors

Underfoot!

As you know, K and I have been a home, as a family, for 17 months.  By all accounts we have attached REALLY well.  My social worker has been “beyond pleased” with how we have attached to one another, he shows most of the signs for healthy attachment and my close circle of friends are amazed at how “well” he’s been doing.

But for the past 2 weeks, he has been almost physically attached to me when we are together.  He does fine when I drop him off at school.  He does fine when I leave him with my parents.  He does fine when I leave him with his Auntie.  However, when we are home, by ourselves, he is absolutely connected to me.  He won’t watch a TV show without me sitting with him.  And even then, he has to be sitting on me.  If I get up to go to the bathroom or to the kitchen, all it takes is around 10 seconds and he is right there asking, “Where did you go!  I was looking for you!”  

The other day, I was in the garage doing laundry and I couldn’t hear him calling me until he was in a complete meltdown screaming for me.  I run in to see if he is hurt and he is a blubbering mess asking me where I went!  He kept saying, “I was looking for you and I couldn’t find you!!!”  I know that this is still part of some abandonment issues that he’s working out (heck, let’s face it, most of us have abandonment issues and we weren’t, at one time, orphans!).  I also know that this is when I should have the most patience with him… but, sometimes, it drives me crazy and annoys the HECK outta me!!!  *Did I mention that it irritates me?

I would LOVE to be able to go to the bathroom without him coming in and sitting at my feet waiting for me.  I would love to be able to return a phone call in the evening without him coming in crying, saying, “I thought you left!”  I would love to cook dinner for us without him following me around the kitchen with his black stool (that I always trip over at least 5 times).  It’s usually at that point that I get (beyond) frustrated with him… but it isn’t his fault and I know it!  I know that this is the time when I need to exercise my patience even more with him.  And 92% of the time, I do… *Still doesn’t mean that I don’t get angry that other 8% of the time!!!

Yet, I love him and this is who he is.  I love every aspect of this amazing person whom I call my son!  I adore that he is loving.  I appreciate his love for life.  I, not only love him, I really like who he is.  So…I will continue to repeat that “Mommy ALWAYS comes back for K” and reassure him that I am not going anywhere.  And continue to repeat, “Mommy loves you FOREVER!”

Public Discipline

It’s no secret, K is from Ethiopia.  As many of you know, I taught myself a bit of Amharic so that I would be able to communicate with him when I brought him home.  I knew that he would be verbal when I traveled and I wanted him to have “something” from his homeland (since I had basically taken him away from everything he had ever known within 5 days of meeting me).  I wanted him to know that I respected him as a person and that I love Ethiopia, its culture, and people as much as I love him. 

But now, he refuses to speak it.  He understands Amharic and will respond in English, but won’t use any words except, “I love you!”  Even having said that, I use it A LOT.  Granted, I am not fluent, nor do I claim to be, but I have about 50 phrases that I still use regularly with him.  Most of them are terms of endearment or punishment…  The other day, I was at a supermarket that I don’t usually go to when I had to scold him.  In public, I choose to discipline him in Amharic so I don’t have to look at the faces of all the mom’s questioning my parenting skills, and they do…  Ironically enough, after scolding him in Amharic, I hear a cart in the next aisle almost racing down the row, and from around the corner comes an Ethiopian woman who simply says, “I wasn’t expecting you to be white!”  All I could do was laugh and say (clearly not how these words are spelled, but phonetics work for me), “Selam! Ah-te-free!  Sih May, Char” and then K chimed in with, “I’m K!”  We only shared a quick moment, but what a beautiful moment it was. As she left, she said something to him in Amharic, kissed his forehead and the tops of both of his hands, as did so many lovely people on the streets of Addis Ababa.  It blessed me. 

Should Single Women Adopt?

I get this question A LOT!  As most of you know, I would label myself a Christian.  Not a hate filled, elitist, Bible in your face and “you are wrong” kind of Christian, but a believer in a God of Love.  I love the God of miracles. I love my God who is a Creator.  I am a worshipper of the Most High God who doesn’t hate people.  He’s a God who hung out with the “whores”, tax collectors, thieves, adulterers, and the outcasts of society!  Now that’s my kind of God.  He’s so my kind of people. 

So…am I wrong for not “waiting” for Mr. Right to build my family unit?  I have been told that I am by a few “well meaning” people.  And to that I say: suck it!  I read this blog by an adoptive mom on this subject and what she has to say is pretty awesome:

You can wait for that perfect man and waste valuable years that could have been spent raising precious little ones in desperate need of a mommy. Two parent homes are thought by many to be ideal, but really….who says that has to be? Ever asked an orphan?  ‘Ummmmm, excuse me. I am single. I want to be a mommy……but I am waiting for a daddy…so in the meantime you sit there and enjoy that orphanage….cause I’m sure you’d rather be one of 400 kids….with no one to kiss your boo-boos or listen to your dreams while I sit over here waiting for Mr. Right.’ Yeah, I don’t think so.  There are kids all over this world who are longing for someone to say, ‘You are mine and we’re in this together. We may not have a daddy at the moment (or maybe ever), but I will be your mommy’…. I applaud the courage of some of my friends who have said, ‘I am not married, but I can be a great mom and I’m not waiting for a husband to do that.’”

When I made the decision to adopt K, I knew the “risks” I was taking.  I knew what I was getting into.  I knew I’d be doing it alone.  I knew that some people wouldn’t understand why I was doing it.  I knew that I’d lose friends over it.  I knew that people would judge me.  I knew all these things and you know what?  I didn’t care!  I have multiple tattoos and multiple piercings, so I have been judged before and I am cool with it!  I also knew what I would gain from it.  And the pros completely out weigh the “cons”. 

Would I love to be married?  Of course.  Would I love to have a partner who could “tag” me out of the ring every once in a while—HECK TO THE YES! Would I love for my son to have a daddy?  Most certainly!  Will I settle for just anyone?  C’mon now, you know me better than that!

If you are a parent who has a partner, don’t judge me, help me!  Love my kid because he’s awesome and strong and a survivor and funny and just pretty darn cool.  If you know how difficult it can be to deal with a 3 year old (or any kid at any age), offer to babysit for me.  If you have kids and you know how expensive it can be—quit reminding me y’all.  Don’t keep saying, “I don’t know how you can afford it on a single income?!”  Offer to buy him some clothes, buy us some groceries or pay my childcare for a week (or a month)! Geesh! 

Be a problem solver not a problem pointer-outter, please.  That’s what I did when I made the choice to adopt!  143 million orphans—minus one!

Why Ethiopia?

- One in ten children die before their first birthday.

- One in six children die before their fifth birthday

-44% of the population is under 15 years old.

- 60% of the children in Ethiopia are stunted by malnutrition.

-The median age in Ethiopia is 17.8 years old.

-1.5 million people are infected with AIDS

-There are roughly 4.6 million orphans in Ethiopia.

-Per capita, Ethiopia receives less aid than any other country in Africa

-Half of the children in Ethiopia will never attend school.

-Ethiopia’s doctor to child ratio is 1 to 24,000

Why Not?

It's Official!!!

We are so blessed to have found each other!!!