Should Single Women Adopt?

I get this question A LOT!  As most of you know, I would label myself a Christian.  Not a hate filled, elitist, Bible in your face and “you are wrong” kind of Christian, but a believer in a God of Love.  I love the God of miracles. I love my God who is a Creator.  I am a worshipper of the Most High God who doesn’t hate people.  He’s a God who hung out with the “whores”, tax collectors, thieves, adulterers, and the outcasts of society!  Now that’s my kind of God.  He’s so my kind of people. 

So…am I wrong for not “waiting” for Mr. Right to build my family unit?  I have been told that I am by a few “well meaning” people.  And to that I say: suck it!  I read this blog by an adoptive mom on this subject and what she has to say is pretty awesome:

You can wait for that perfect man and waste valuable years that could have been spent raising precious little ones in desperate need of a mommy. Two parent homes are thought by many to be ideal, but really….who says that has to be? Ever asked an orphan?  ‘Ummmmm, excuse me. I am single. I want to be a mommy……but I am waiting for a daddy…so in the meantime you sit there and enjoy that orphanage….cause I’m sure you’d rather be one of 400 kids….with no one to kiss your boo-boos or listen to your dreams while I sit over here waiting for Mr. Right.’ Yeah, I don’t think so.  There are kids all over this world who are longing for someone to say, ‘You are mine and we’re in this together. We may not have a daddy at the moment (or maybe ever), but I will be your mommy’…. I applaud the courage of some of my friends who have said, ‘I am not married, but I can be a great mom and I’m not waiting for a husband to do that.’”

When I made the decision to adopt K, I knew the “risks” I was taking.  I knew what I was getting into.  I knew I’d be doing it alone.  I knew that some people wouldn’t understand why I was doing it.  I knew that I’d lose friends over it.  I knew that people would judge me.  I knew all these things and you know what?  I didn’t care!  I have multiple tattoos and multiple piercings, so I have been judged before and I am cool with it!  I also knew what I would gain from it.  And the pros completely out weigh the “cons”. 

Would I love to be married?  Of course.  Would I love to have a partner who could “tag” me out of the ring every once in a while—HECK TO THE YES! Would I love for my son to have a daddy?  Most certainly!  Will I settle for just anyone?  C’mon now, you know me better than that!

If you are a parent who has a partner, don’t judge me, help me!  Love my kid because he’s awesome and strong and a survivor and funny and just pretty darn cool.  If you know how difficult it can be to deal with a 3 year old (or any kid at any age), offer to babysit for me.  If you have kids and you know how expensive it can be—quit reminding me y’all.  Don’t keep saying, “I don’t know how you can afford it on a single income?!”  Offer to buy him some clothes, buy us some groceries or pay my childcare for a week (or a month)! Geesh! 

Be a problem solver not a problem pointer-outter, please.  That’s what I did when I made the choice to adopt!  143 million orphans—minus one!

It's Official!!!

We are so blessed to have found each other!!!

Wish Wipers Rock My Socks!!!

It’s not a gun Mommy, it’s a laser!!!

Weren’t we all perfect moms before we became moms?  I had all these ideas and preconceived notions about what kind of mom I would be once I became a mom.  I had an opinion for every mom I saw in the street about how she SHOULD be dealing with her kid!!!  Obviously, I kept those opinions to myself, but I had ‘em alright, oh yes I did!  Awwww hindsight!  You are one of the wisest teachers, aren’t you?

I was adamantly opposed to any form of censorship (“When I am a mom, I will let my kid listen to anything!  He needs to know what’s out there!  It doesn’t matter if people cuss around him!” Yeah right!).  I was never going to allow my child to co-sleep with me (“Kids need to be in their own beds!  It’s not natural for them to sleep with you!”)!   I was never going to let my kids watch TV (while I was able to keep K from the grips of the TV for 9 months, I have since succumbed!).  I was never going to let my child act up in public (as if I could stop him).  I was never going to allow him to sass me (as if I could stop the initial sass.  After the first time, I take care of it, but still).  I was never going to let my child run into the street (have you seen how fast this kid is?)!  I was never…and the list goes on!  

But here we are 15 months into motherhood and really…my main battles are minimal but they are a lot of work!  First, I have been trying to keep people from saying potty talk (poo poo, caca, stupid, shut up, idiot, etc) around K so that he continues to know that it isn’t ok to say such things.  The next thing is that he listens. When his teachers say to stop something, he has the tendency to say something to the effect of, “Hell to the No!!!!”  What I want him to say is, “ok!” And finally, I need him to remember that we don’t allow guns in our household!  While I am not morally opposed to guns, I just don’t want him “shooting” people.  He has used his wily mind to get around this by making everything a laser!  Really, son, a laser that sounds like a gun!!!  Hmmmmmm.  Do you think that you have tricked me?  I think NOT!  

Note to K:  And by the way, just because I let you watch TV, you have Defcon 1 meltdowns in public that I can’t control or anticipate, you slept in bed with me for over a year and you are still struggling with listening to your teachers and other adults—I won’t tolerate the gun thing homie!  Not one bit!

Benjies

As I have been dealing with some family stuff, I am reminded of my Grandpa!  One of the greatest men I have ever known.  I miss him passionately and would like to think that he would be proud of me!

To say that my grandfather never knew how to eat with his mouth shut would be an understatement.  Ritualistically we went to Benjie’s Deli where the weekly embarrassment would begin.  I don’t know that he ever looked at a menu because for as long as I can remember, he always ordered liver and onions and coffee—black and piping hot.

            Thank God the owner and all the waitresses knew him because at least that would reduce the mortification of his ordering technique as well as his table manners.  When we were seated by the hostess, the rest of us tried to jockey for position so that we wouldn’t have to sit directly across from him; this was also known as “the firing zone.”  But inevitably, one of us always had to endure the hour long torture of seeing how his food was masticated.  Looking back, those are the times that make me smile because we think about the random particles of half eaten food hanging from his mouth and being shot across the table as if they were missiles aimed at some unknown enemy.

            Not only was the eating process a mortifying experience, so was dealing with the waitress.  The highlight of the meal would include him snapping his fingers in the air and yelling out (with food still being swallowed), “Hey honey, I need some more coffee!” or the occasional “Can I get another refill!”  We had become so accustomed to this routine that we could almost tell when he needed some more coffee—it was about the time that he quit slurping it because it wasn’t scalding hot anymore.

            After he died it was too difficult for us to go to Benjie’s without him.  When we drove by, our hearts would break because that was “our” place.  I don’t know how many years it was before we went back, at least 5, but now when we go, the experience isn’t quite the same—without Grandpa.

COMMIT in 2011

Not sure that I share these kinds of things with most people, but what the heck, I really have no secrets.  So here it is, people (yes, still in March) have been asking me what my “New Year Resolutions” are/were.  Well, the simple answer is, I don’t believe in resolutions!  I don’t do ‘em.  I never have, and I never will.  I think (personal opinion coming) that when we do that, we set ourselves up for failure.  Ironically enough last year, I started doing something that actually worked for me!  I heard about this “movement” (if I can call it that) called ONE WORD.  I don’t know that last year it was really a movement, but hey!!!  I have a friend in Nashville who blogged about it/FBed it and I sorta copied it.  However, this year, it seems to have caught on like wildfire!  This year it’s called ONE WORD 2011!  So for this year, I have chosen the word COMMIT!

Here is my list that I keep on my fridge, bathroom, the mirror that’s hung on the door as I walk out the house, my office and inside my Bible.  For me, it’s simple—I just really tap into this one word for the year and apply it to every area of my life (not just those things listed)!  My life is so active that, for me, it’s great to really focus on just one simple word!!!

So have at it and know what I am committing to this year, my friends!!!

COMMIT to being a better mom, girlfriend, daughter, friend, co-worker…

COMMIT to my body and being healthy/healthier

COMMIT to growing closer to God

COMMIT to walking in gratefulness

COMMIT to my community & communities I am passionate about