It’s not a gun Mommy, it’s a laser!!!

Weren’t we all perfect moms before we became moms?  I had all these ideas and preconceived notions about what kind of mom I would be once I became a mom.  I had an opinion for every mom I saw in the street about how she SHOULD be dealing with her kid!!!  Obviously, I kept those opinions to myself, but I had ‘em alright, oh yes I did!  Awwww hindsight!  You are one of the wisest teachers, aren’t you?

I was adamantly opposed to any form of censorship (“When I am a mom, I will let my kid listen to anything!  He needs to know what’s out there!  It doesn’t matter if people cuss around him!” Yeah right!).  I was never going to allow my child to co-sleep with me (“Kids need to be in their own beds!  It’s not natural for them to sleep with you!”)!   I was never going to let my kids watch TV (while I was able to keep K from the grips of the TV for 9 months, I have since succumbed!).  I was never going to let my child act up in public (as if I could stop him).  I was never going to allow him to sass me (as if I could stop the initial sass.  After the first time, I take care of it, but still).  I was never going to let my child run into the street (have you seen how fast this kid is?)!  I was never…and the list goes on!  

But here we are 15 months into motherhood and really…my main battles are minimal but they are a lot of work!  First, I have been trying to keep people from saying potty talk (poo poo, caca, stupid, shut up, idiot, etc) around K so that he continues to know that it isn’t ok to say such things.  The next thing is that he listens. When his teachers say to stop something, he has the tendency to say something to the effect of, “Hell to the No!!!!”  What I want him to say is, “ok!” And finally, I need him to remember that we don’t allow guns in our household!  While I am not morally opposed to guns, I just don’t want him “shooting” people.  He has used his wily mind to get around this by making everything a laser!  Really, son, a laser that sounds like a gun!!!  Hmmmmmm.  Do you think that you have tricked me?  I think NOT!  

Note to K:  And by the way, just because I let you watch TV, you have Defcon 1 meltdowns in public that I can’t control or anticipate, you slept in bed with me for over a year and you are still struggling with listening to your teachers and other adults—I won’t tolerate the gun thing homie!  Not one bit!

Are you using your listening ears???

Ever since K and I became a family and he started learning English, I have been trying to stress to him the importance of listening to people and following directions.  As I have been learning through this process—that’s a tough gig for a toddler.  Not only that, it’s a tough gig for a new mom!!! Listening isn’t something that is innate.  It’s truly a learned experience.  I don’t know that it’s even something that he enjoys, much less that he can really comprehend.  He has his own thoughts and opinions about how things should be done and when I ask him if he’s listening to me, many times, I get the blanket response, “I a good listener Mama!”  For those of you who have spent any time with me over the last year, you know that my mental response is QUITE different from my actual verbal response to him—but that is an entirely different post all together!!!

I have read books, articles, blogs and essays about this subject.  I have also talked to my friends/coworkers/my mom’s group and even strangers I have met at the park, McDonalds, and Chuck-E-Cheese who have/had toddlers. Somebody help a sista out!  What I have discovered is one thing: it is comforting to know that I am not alone.

So here we are, full circle to a moment in my day when I need K to listen to what I am saying and pay attention.  When I need him to listen to my words, I make sure that I am looking at him eye to eye and speak clearly and calmly.  I repeat myself.  I also make sure that I don’t ask questions, I make statements.  I remind him that I know that he is a good listener and I appreciate him listening to my words.  I also ask him to repeat back to me what I said to him and what he thinks I want him to do.  I try very diligently to tell him how proud I am of him, no matter what, but I need him to listen to me, his teachers, other adults, etc. 

Yes, here I go again making the connection between my toddler and the non-toddlers in my life—what I am trying to teach my son are the same kinds of things that I wish most adults knew and actually practiced.  “Are you listening to my words ?” is the same phrase that I want to scream at a cornucopia of people throughout the day at my job, at the store, on the street, while driving, hell, just in general!!!  At work, a place of higher learning, it seems as if there are only a handful of people who actually hear your words and act on those words. 

Is this an epidemic?  Isn’t this something that, again, we all should have learned in Pre-K?  Isn’t this just common courtesy?  Or is anything that we label “common,” not so common!  While I can’t chastise my son for not listening to me when he’s 3 years old, I will continue to be consistent with him.  I will continue to remind him that it’s important to listen to my words. While I will continue to remind him that I love him no matter what, but that there are consequences for him not listening to my words, I cannot do that to stranger, co-workers, and colleagues.  To them I say, “For the LOVE of GOD!  Listen to the words coming out of my mouth!!!”