36 hours…

A couple of weekends ago, I had a bad one.  No matter what I did, it didn’t seem like I could get it together, as a mom.  K was in a mood—and granted, everyone is allowed to have a bad day, but we were jam-packed with activities with friends, so public meltdowns and attitude is NEVER fun.  It seemed like no matter what I did or how I corrected him, he was contrary. 

Well, within a 36-hour period, I cried at least 10 times.  Not just tears welling up in my eyes, but serious tears.  After about the third cry, I started keeping track.  Why not capture each moment where I had mini-meltdowns.  *Coach Gray was very supportive, just want y’all to know that!*

Sometimes, I feel really confident about this “being a mom” thing and on weekends like this, I feel like I suck worse than a moldy piece of bread! 

So here you go:

Some random commercial about a show on Lifetime Movie Network

K telling me “You my favorite Mommy!”

Tarzan—conversation with his mom about how they are different, but the same, “See we’re exactly the same!”

Tarzan—conversation with his mom when he is about to leave and he says, “No matter where I go, you will always be my mother.”

K refusing to say, “I love you” to me when he went to bed after a day of discipline and punishments.

K telling me he loved me, first words out of his mouth when he woke up in the morning.

Ending of Toy Story 3 (gets me every time!!!).

When K got dressed all by himself—head to toe (even socks and shoes—and on the right feet).

K telling me, “Our life is super big awesome Mommy!”

After trying to utilize different discipline techniques with K for being rude and sassy and not listening and _______________, and nothing seemed to work—I just sat down on the floor and cried!

It’s not a gun Mommy, it’s a laser!!!

Weren’t we all perfect moms before we became moms?  I had all these ideas and preconceived notions about what kind of mom I would be once I became a mom.  I had an opinion for every mom I saw in the street about how she SHOULD be dealing with her kid!!!  Obviously, I kept those opinions to myself, but I had ‘em alright, oh yes I did!  Awwww hindsight!  You are one of the wisest teachers, aren’t you?

I was adamantly opposed to any form of censorship (“When I am a mom, I will let my kid listen to anything!  He needs to know what’s out there!  It doesn’t matter if people cuss around him!” Yeah right!).  I was never going to allow my child to co-sleep with me (“Kids need to be in their own beds!  It’s not natural for them to sleep with you!”)!   I was never going to let my kids watch TV (while I was able to keep K from the grips of the TV for 9 months, I have since succumbed!).  I was never going to let my child act up in public (as if I could stop him).  I was never going to allow him to sass me (as if I could stop the initial sass.  After the first time, I take care of it, but still).  I was never going to let my child run into the street (have you seen how fast this kid is?)!  I was never…and the list goes on!  

But here we are 15 months into motherhood and really…my main battles are minimal but they are a lot of work!  First, I have been trying to keep people from saying potty talk (poo poo, caca, stupid, shut up, idiot, etc) around K so that he continues to know that it isn’t ok to say such things.  The next thing is that he listens. When his teachers say to stop something, he has the tendency to say something to the effect of, “Hell to the No!!!!”  What I want him to say is, “ok!” And finally, I need him to remember that we don’t allow guns in our household!  While I am not morally opposed to guns, I just don’t want him “shooting” people.  He has used his wily mind to get around this by making everything a laser!  Really, son, a laser that sounds like a gun!!!  Hmmmmmm.  Do you think that you have tricked me?  I think NOT!  

Note to K:  And by the way, just because I let you watch TV, you have Defcon 1 meltdowns in public that I can’t control or anticipate, you slept in bed with me for over a year and you are still struggling with listening to your teachers and other adults—I won’t tolerate the gun thing homie!  Not one bit!

DefCon 1

The tantrum.  The meltdown.  The random whining.  The kicking and screaming.  The limp body that won’t walk.  The thrusting of the body to the ground.  The complete breakdown in the middle of Target (or grocery store or the mall or a restaurant or church or airplane or ________________) that you have no clue as to why it was set off, but it did.  The possessed kid.  Clearly not MY child who is respectful and sweet and loving and caring and polite and…right?!  Hells yeah, that’s my kid. 

It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, I affectionately refer to it as DEFCON 1!  For those of you who have NEVER seen War Games (the movie with Matthew Broderick), you are missing out, but I digress!  There is a point in the movie where, due to his nerdy genius, he has broken down the walls of the US Government’s Safety Net and “war is eminent” so they “take it” to DefCon 1.  This is how I feel when K pulls a knock down, drag out tantrum/fight/fit/cry fest/whatever!!!  It’s at that point where war is most certainly eminent.  Who shall win this battle, well, that remains to be seen.

Ironically enough, before I became a Mama, I had all the illusions/delusions/deceptions/ideas/false impressions/misunderstandings about my parenting techniques.  When I saw moms in the stores/restaurants/the street/ ____________________ with a toddler who was pitching a fit, my mental response was elitist, snarky and certainly something to the effect of “Hrmph!  Get it together lady!” 

Well, fast forward to my current life.  Now my response, when I see the sad, frustrated, tired eyes of a fellow toddler mom, is, “Girl, I have a 3 year old!  I get it!!!”  What I want to add (but don’t) is a hug or a pat on the back and a reminder that this too shall pass (until they go through puberty, but again, I digress!). 

There are two versions of this kind of meltdown:  public and private!  If it’s private, you just put him in his room and let him work it out.  Thank ya Jesus for a door!  Just sayin’!  Now, it’s if public.  Oi Vey!  Make it stop!  No really, make it stop NOW!  The Public DefCon 1 experience is horrifying/unspeakable/appalling/and just strait up terrible.  I know that other non-moms and the general public are thinking, “Just shut that kid up!”  Or maybe they are judging my parenting skills (which are clearly not effective at that moment).  Usually when this happens, I make the choice to leave the shopping cart, leave the restaurant, leave wherever, and just go home and deal with it there.  The beauty of the private meltdown is that no one judges you for how you choose to handle this kind of temper tantrum! No one is giving you the “cough” hint or the evil eye or the “look over your shoulder” look. 

So, I know that I haven’t given a solution for this kind of catastrophe.  I wish I had some pearls of wisdom to share with you, my friends.  I wish I had all the answers (well maybe not all of them, but some would be nice).  All I can do is just be consistent with my son.  All I can do is remind him that no matter how he acts, I love him, but that kind of behavior is unacceptable.  I can continue to do things that I *think* are working while still remembering that he is, in fact, three years old.  Sometimes there is nothing you can do. Sometimes, all you can do is just laugh!  Cause if you don’t, you just might cry!