Should Single Women Adopt?

I get this question A LOT!  As most of you know, I would label myself a Christian.  Not a hate filled, elitist, Bible in your face and “you are wrong” kind of Christian, but a believer in a God of Love.  I love the God of miracles. I love my God who is a Creator.  I am a worshipper of the Most High God who doesn’t hate people.  He’s a God who hung out with the “whores”, tax collectors, thieves, adulterers, and the outcasts of society!  Now that’s my kind of God.  He’s so my kind of people. 

So…am I wrong for not “waiting” for Mr. Right to build my family unit?  I have been told that I am by a few “well meaning” people.  And to that I say: suck it!  I read this blog by an adoptive mom on this subject and what she has to say is pretty awesome:

You can wait for that perfect man and waste valuable years that could have been spent raising precious little ones in desperate need of a mommy. Two parent homes are thought by many to be ideal, but really….who says that has to be? Ever asked an orphan?  ‘Ummmmm, excuse me. I am single. I want to be a mommy……but I am waiting for a daddy…so in the meantime you sit there and enjoy that orphanage….cause I’m sure you’d rather be one of 400 kids….with no one to kiss your boo-boos or listen to your dreams while I sit over here waiting for Mr. Right.’ Yeah, I don’t think so.  There are kids all over this world who are longing for someone to say, ‘You are mine and we’re in this together. We may not have a daddy at the moment (or maybe ever), but I will be your mommy’…. I applaud the courage of some of my friends who have said, ‘I am not married, but I can be a great mom and I’m not waiting for a husband to do that.’”

When I made the decision to adopt K, I knew the “risks” I was taking.  I knew what I was getting into.  I knew I’d be doing it alone.  I knew that some people wouldn’t understand why I was doing it.  I knew that I’d lose friends over it.  I knew that people would judge me.  I knew all these things and you know what?  I didn’t care!  I have multiple tattoos and multiple piercings, so I have been judged before and I am cool with it!  I also knew what I would gain from it.  And the pros completely out weigh the “cons”. 

Would I love to be married?  Of course.  Would I love to have a partner who could “tag” me out of the ring every once in a while—HECK TO THE YES! Would I love for my son to have a daddy?  Most certainly!  Will I settle for just anyone?  C’mon now, you know me better than that!

If you are a parent who has a partner, don’t judge me, help me!  Love my kid because he’s awesome and strong and a survivor and funny and just pretty darn cool.  If you know how difficult it can be to deal with a 3 year old (or any kid at any age), offer to babysit for me.  If you have kids and you know how expensive it can be—quit reminding me y’all.  Don’t keep saying, “I don’t know how you can afford it on a single income?!”  Offer to buy him some clothes, buy us some groceries or pay my childcare for a week (or a month)! Geesh! 

Be a problem solver not a problem pointer-outter, please.  That’s what I did when I made the choice to adopt!  143 million orphans—minus one!

Why Ethiopia?

- One in ten children die before their first birthday.

- One in six children die before their fifth birthday

-44% of the population is under 15 years old.

- 60% of the children in Ethiopia are stunted by malnutrition.

-The median age in Ethiopia is 17.8 years old.

-1.5 million people are infected with AIDS

-There are roughly 4.6 million orphans in Ethiopia.

-Per capita, Ethiopia receives less aid than any other country in Africa

-Half of the children in Ethiopia will never attend school.

-Ethiopia’s doctor to child ratio is 1 to 24,000

Why Not?

It's Official!!!

We are so blessed to have found each other!!!

Letter to Z! Two Years Ago Today!

Dear Z,

Two years ago today, you relinquished your son!  I will never know the pain you went through to make that grueling decision.  I may never know the reasons for your decision, but all I can say is—thank you!  Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be his mother.  Without your significant sacrifice, I would never have had him in my life.  And you must know that my life has truly changed for the better.  Do you know that you are a topic of conversation around our home?  Do you know what his future would hold when you painfully released him?  Could you have imagined that we would write you letters on his birthday, Mother’s day, and the day he and I became a family?  Do you know that we pray for you in our nightly prayers?  You are truly a part of our family and that will never change!

Thank you for allowing me to raise him.  I know that thank you isn’t enough. It can never be enough!  It will NEVER be enough.  Having been his mom for 16 months, I know that having to part with him would be unthinkable, but you did indeed do just that.  Your overwhelming love for him is more powerful than my simple words can convey.  Your devotion to his well being cries out every time I look into his eyes.  I wonder how much he looks like you!  I wonder when/if I will ever be able to hug you, tell you how much I love and appreciate you, and then hug you some more!  I dream of the day that I will be able to tell you that you to your face are one of my heroes.  I wait for/long for/look forward to the day that K will be able to hug you too!  

So again, two years ago today, you made one of the toughest decisions that you probably will ever make and for that, I have to again say…thank you!  Thank you a thousand times!

Eh-wud-ish-ha-lo Z!

Poop Parasite!!!

A couple of weeks back, we went to a Pre-School reunion and his first (ever) teacher commented on how “weird” his “poops” were (when he was in diapers).  Sadly, that same day, we were watching a show on PBS called Dinosaur Train and the theme of the show was “Everybody Poops”.  It seemed that on this particular Saturday, I couldn’t escape poop! This double whammy of poop interactions reminded me of just how important poop really is.  And like every 3 year old, K is OBSESSED with his poop!  He affectionately screams from the bathroom when he poops, asks me to help wash his booty and always let’s me know that he “made a snake” or a “volcano” or whatever!!!  When I say obsessed—I ain’t kidding folks!  But as I normally do, I digress!!!

Yet, several months’ back, these same kinds of things were swirling through my head because I was concerned that K had come home from Ethiopia with some kind of intestinal thing.  It’s a given thing that, ya know, the water isn’t that great in certain parts of the world and you could have a parasite just lurking around!!!  And… his poop was HIDEOUS and was never solid (TMI?  Probably, but really, I am getting to the point… soon).  When I took him to the doctor for a failed allergy thingy (failed because when I called to make the appointment, he was congested  and had a runny nose, but once we got there, he was fine), I mentioned my “poop” concerns, so she decided to run some tests to rule out a parasite.  Awesome!  Win for Mom for remembering the “other” concern I had!

Being a first time mom, I thought, “Oh thank goodness!!!  Can’t wait to find out if there is anything ‘wrong’ with his intestinal track” until she handed me 5 vials, a plastic “potty” that sits on the potty itself, and rubber gloves!  Um… what kind of tests???  Apparently, I didn’t know that I needed to collect “samples” and “scoop” them into these tiny containers.  EGAD!  Not only that, they give you these “mini” scoops that are attached to the top of the lid of these “collection” tubes.  It’s pretty nasty!  And like I have said before, why wasn’t there some sort of class or pamphlet about this before I became a mom?  I had to learn about how to talk to my kid about trans-racial issues (which I totally get), but no one told me that I might have to scoop his crap into a vial, keep it in my fridge and then bring it back to the doctor?  

Sadly, there is no good way to collect this (literal) crap for the doctor and since I had a morning meeting on the day I was supposed to drop it off, I essentially had to carry it around in my purse for a couple of hours until I could get back to the “lab” to return those samples.  Nothing like a crap filled purse to start your day off! 

So…what’s the moral of this post?  Why would I spend time writing about poop?  Nothing really.  Sometimes, as parents (as people) we need to do a job that is just strait up shi$%y.  We do it.  We hate it, but we do it!

Good news was that, no, he didn’t have a parasite.  Bad news… my son has just really horrific poop!

Get Passionate!!!

I know that people are passionate about what they’re passionate about. We are all drawn to different things.  Let’s see what’s out there right now—the war, gas prices, the economy, clean water, clean energy, plug in cars, Politics, European union, burning down the trees in the Amazon, having an African American President, etc.  Yet, since two of my passions are clean drinking water and the orphan crisis, Ima talk about that for a minute!  

I do indeed know that most people are horrified by the statistics of orphans in the world (please be aware that the US has a LARGE orphan crisis!!!  Don’t be deceived into thinking that it’s only in third world countries!)!

Please just look at these statistics and ponder!  I know not everyone is called to adopt—if you aren’t PLEASE DO NOT!  But you can do something!  We can ALL do something!  Even if it’s just us being made aware!

Every 15 SECONDS, another child becomes an AIDS orphan in Africa

Every DAY 5,760 more children become orphans

Every YEAR 2,102,400 more children become orphans (in Africa alone)

143,000,0002 Orphans in the world today spend an average of 10 years

3 in an orphanage or foster home

Approximately 250,000 children are adopted annually, but…

Every YEAR 14,050,000 children still grow up as orphans and AGE OUT of the system

Every DAY 38,493 children AGE OUT

Every 2.2 SECONDS, another orphan child AGES OUT with no family to belong to and no place to call home

Many of these children accept job offers that ultimately result in their being sold as slaves. Millions of girls are sex slaves today, simply because they were unfortunate enough to grow up as orphans.

Between 1990 and 2000, the number of orphans in Africa rose from 30.9 million to 41.5 million, and those orphaned by AIDS increased from 330,000 to seven million.

884 million people lack access to safe water supplies; approximately one in eight people.  3.575 million people die each year from water-related disease.

Diarrhea remains in the second leading cause of death among children under five globally. Nearly one in five child deaths – about 1.5 million each year – is due to diarrhea. It kills more young children than AIDS, malaria and measles combined.

Let’s get passionate about something other than ourselves!  Right? :-)

Adoption: Love the End Result, Hate the Process

So, I am currently in the process of doing a “re-adopt” of my son.  Let me explain this a bit for those of you who aren’t in the “adoption scene”—I am legally his mother, but he isn’t a US Citizen.  Now what kind of process is this?  A process that allows me to travel 1/2 way around the world, go to court, legally become his Mama (got a new Ethiopian birth certificate with my name on it), spend countless hours filling out immigration paperwork to only have him come home to his forever family as a proud member of the green-card carrying members of this country.  Seriously?!  

My frustration/experience with the adoption paper chase is long.  I fall into the category of “what could go wrong, did go wrong”.  Don’t get me wrong—for those of you who have met my son, he is ROCKIN’!  He is truly the best thing that has ever happened to me.  He is amazing and beautiful and intelligent and sassy and funny and snarky and pretty much the best kid in the world (at least in my eyes)!  I couldn’t have “created” a better kid!  However, in my journey to him, paperwork was the bane of my existence.  Paperwork was lost (not be me but others), paperwork wasn’t submitted to the correct people, wrong paperwork was filled out, paperwork expired (because I waited so darn long for him), and I wasn’t told that certain paperwork was needed.  Even the sealed envelope from the US Embassy in Ethiopia (that I didn’t assemble, touch, open or even really look at it) was incorrect.  Really, what is your friggin’ job, person at the US Embassy in ETH?  Geesh.  

So… having said all that.  I have now gone two times to the OC County Court in Orange to only be told, “Well, you don’t have all the paperwork!”  The packet I got FROM them doesn’t include ALL the paperwork.  Really?  That’s the packet you give people?  The one missing the “request for a hearing”?!  During this explanation of the 1 sheet of paper I was missing, a fit of tears started pouring down my face and the woman behind the bullet proof glass just rolled her eyes with a “seen this before; you are not my first crier I have had” look in her own eyes.  All I could do was grab the sheet from her and sulk/grumble back to my car.  

I have to say, this is why people don’t adopt.  Why is the process SOOOOO incredibly painful?  Why is the paperwork so incredibly overwhelming?  Why are there so many hoops to jump through?  Why?  Why?  Why?  

I admit, I have a great kid and if I wasn’t changing his name, changing his birth year, and I didn’t care that he has a green card—I wouldn’t have to go through this, again.  But seriously people…

Having said this, I now will fill out the rest of the necessary paperwork and get a hearing and re-adopt my kid!