Tuesday Truth-day! September 20, 2011

*I will use each Tuesday to rat myself out about something!  It’s all in good fun and I am sure that these “truth-day” revelations won’t be things people don’t already know about me!

I get really frustrated when people want to give me parenting advice.  I know I have only been a Mama for 19 months, but give me some credit.  Really, give me some!  I am trying to figure it out just like you.  And let me just say, “Old Lady who has raised 4 kids 45 years ago, a lot has changed since then!” Also, my kid isn’t from my womb, I have a whole different set of issues to deal with than you child who probably doesn’t have abandonment issues or dealing with race issues or dealing with the IRS questioning if I “really” have a son even after I have supplied them with his US Birth Certificate and all my paperwork or dealing with people’s weird/stupid/ignorant questions about his “real” parents or how much he “cost”.  So… please just know that we are a family built through love.  We love each other forever.  And please keep your advice to yourself—unless I ask!  Just know, I know how to ask for help!

“Did your husband leave you because you didn’t lose your baby weight fast enough?”

While on vacation for 2 weeks in Hawaii, this was part of a conversation that went awry very quickly.  What started off as a pleasant exchange about my son’s phenomenal swimming skills quickly turned into fightin’ words.

Within the first 2 days of being here, K became sort of an urban legend around the resort.  People who hadn’t met him had “heard” about his swimming dexterity.  Once they met the kid “with the name I can’t quite remember”, they were “oooh-ing” and “ahhhh-ing” about what a strong swimmer he is.  All seemed to be amazed that he could dive down to the deep end and use big pullers and kickers while kids two and three years older than him were using floaties or were deathly afraid of the water.  But this isn’t a post about his awesomeness—it’s about a rude lady.

This woman, whose name I clearly don’t know, so I will refer to her as Baby Boomer Sun Bather (BBSB) had to be in her mid to late 60s.  She kind of cornered me to talk to me about K.  She was going on and on about how she would love to have her grandkids swim as well as he does and how she is just so impressed by him.  Not only that, she kept saying how much she loved his confidence.  Then it happened—she added, “You and your husband must be so proud.  What a cutie and a he’s a great swimmer…”  When I told her that I was indeed proud of him but that I wasn’t married, she snorted and said, “Oh, did your husband leave you because you didn’t lose your baby weight fast enough?”  I really didn’t have any words for her at first.  Sadly, what I initially wanted to do was stand up and cuss her out and be like “Heffa can’t you tell he’s adopted? And ok, yeah, I could lose some weight, but for the love of everything holy, is that ok to say to someone?!  Anyone?” 

But I didn’t—she wasn’t worth it.  All I said was that I haven’t ever been married and that he was adopted.  She really didn’t want to continue the conversation after that, and I was ok with that.  What’s more disheartening is that I think her comments were a reflection of her own life.  Where would someone ever come up with something like that unless they were wounded so deeply to their core by that exact experience (or something very close to it). Part of me wanted to slap the crap out of her for calling me fat and the other part of me wanted to hug and tell her that it was ok and she could cry it out!!!

Eh, but such is life. I will continue living my amazingly wonderful life and she will continue living her miserable existence. 

Conversation of the day in Hawaii—a new one

Scene:  At the pool watching K swim.  Many of the older folks saying, “Honey that’s the little boy I was telling you about!”  My mom (K’s swim teacher) smiling proudly!  K yelling, “Mommy, look at me!”

Old Guy Sun tanning (OGST):  Wow!  He’s good!  My wife was here the other day and told me about him, but wow!  To see him for myself—he’s quite the swimmer!

Me:  Thanks!  I appreciate that!

OGST:  Is he African?

Me:  He was born in Ethiopia.

OGST:  I could tell because of how black he is!

Me:  Um…

(Before I could add anything else) OGST:  He your foster kid?  An exchange student or something?

Me:  No.  He is my son!  We have been a family for…

(Cutting me off) OGST:  Praise God.  It’s nice to see people like you gettin’ kids from a country with so many problems.

Me:  Well, Ethiopia is an amazing country with beautiful people and a wonderful culture.  I am blessed to have him as my son and have his birth country be Ethiopia.

OGST:  No, I meant Africa.  Africa has THE AIDS and stuff like that.

ME:  Sir, Africa is a continent—not a country.  And Africa has over 50…

(Cutting me off) OGST:  Well whatever.  Look at him go!

*I just swam to the other end of the pool and kept K with me.

Conversation of the day in Hawaii

Scene:  At the pool watching K swim circles around all the other kids and the parents are all commenting on how well he can swim!

Baby Boomer Sun Bather: You and your husband must be so proud.  What a cutie and a he’s a great swimmer.  Really confident!

Me:  Thank you, I am proud of him.  He loves to swim, but I am not married!

BBSB: Oh, did your husband leave you because you didn’t lose your baby weight fast enough?

Me: (taken aback) Um, I have never been married.  I adopted my son about 2 years ago from Ethiopia!

BBSB:  Hmmmmm (and rolled over to talk to another person!).

Let's Love our Neighbors

High Five for Friday—week of 08.15.11

*It is my goal that even when I kvetch, I still have an attitude of gratitude, so each Friday, I want to share at least 5 fantastical things that have happened to me!

1.  The episode of LA INK I was on aired last week and it was really good!  So grateful for the chance to share my story!

2.  Jacuzzi time to de-stress!

3.  Nap time with the kid!!!!!

4.  K telling me he loves “us”.

5.  21 days until Hawaii!

Nat Geo in the AM

Me: “whatcha doin’ back there?”

K: “Just reading my Nat Geo (for kids) wif my tongs!”