Conversation of the day in Hawaii—three times a charm

Scene:  Beach

60-something married couple (60SMC):  Is that your son?

Me:  Yes he is.

60SMC:  Would you mind if we asked you some questions about him?  It’s obvious that he wasn’t born in the US.  He is breathtaking and such a happy kid!!!

Me:  Thank you!  And you are correct—he was born in Ethiopia.  I agree—he is pretty amazing!  We became a family a little over a year and a half ago.

60SMC:  How wonderful!  We have some friends of friends who just adopted from Haiti right before the earthquake.  Since we don’t know them very well, I would love to use the correct verbiage when talking to them about their son.  We haven’t met anyone else who has ever adopted.  Is that weird to ask you?

Me:  Not at all.  I wish more people would ask.  Go ahead and ask away…

Twenty minute conversation that turned into an appropriate adoption terminology.

60SMC:  Your son is so lucky to have you for a mom.  We can’t tell you how much this means to us.  We know how precious family is and to be able to become a family—no matter how it happens, is a miracle.

Me:  Thank you!  But I have to tell you.  I am the one who is blessed.  He has changed my whole life for the better.

60SMC:  Well, it shows on both of your faces.

*We parted ways!  This conversation left me smiling!

“Did your husband leave you because you didn’t lose your baby weight fast enough?”

While on vacation for 2 weeks in Hawaii, this was part of a conversation that went awry very quickly.  What started off as a pleasant exchange about my son’s phenomenal swimming skills quickly turned into fightin’ words.

Within the first 2 days of being here, K became sort of an urban legend around the resort.  People who hadn’t met him had “heard” about his swimming dexterity.  Once they met the kid “with the name I can’t quite remember”, they were “oooh-ing” and “ahhhh-ing” about what a strong swimmer he is.  All seemed to be amazed that he could dive down to the deep end and use big pullers and kickers while kids two and three years older than him were using floaties or were deathly afraid of the water.  But this isn’t a post about his awesomeness—it’s about a rude lady.

This woman, whose name I clearly don’t know, so I will refer to her as Baby Boomer Sun Bather (BBSB) had to be in her mid to late 60s.  She kind of cornered me to talk to me about K.  She was going on and on about how she would love to have her grandkids swim as well as he does and how she is just so impressed by him.  Not only that, she kept saying how much she loved his confidence.  Then it happened—she added, “You and your husband must be so proud.  What a cutie and a he’s a great swimmer…”  When I told her that I was indeed proud of him but that I wasn’t married, she snorted and said, “Oh, did your husband leave you because you didn’t lose your baby weight fast enough?”  I really didn’t have any words for her at first.  Sadly, what I initially wanted to do was stand up and cuss her out and be like “Heffa can’t you tell he’s adopted? And ok, yeah, I could lose some weight, but for the love of everything holy, is that ok to say to someone?!  Anyone?” 

But I didn’t—she wasn’t worth it.  All I said was that I haven’t ever been married and that he was adopted.  She really didn’t want to continue the conversation after that, and I was ok with that.  What’s more disheartening is that I think her comments were a reflection of her own life.  Where would someone ever come up with something like that unless they were wounded so deeply to their core by that exact experience (or something very close to it). Part of me wanted to slap the crap out of her for calling me fat and the other part of me wanted to hug and tell her that it was ok and she could cry it out!!!

Eh, but such is life. I will continue living my amazingly wonderful life and she will continue living her miserable existence. 

Conversation of the day in Hawaii—a new one

Scene:  At the pool watching K swim.  Many of the older folks saying, “Honey that’s the little boy I was telling you about!”  My mom (K’s swim teacher) smiling proudly!  K yelling, “Mommy, look at me!”

Old Guy Sun tanning (OGST):  Wow!  He’s good!  My wife was here the other day and told me about him, but wow!  To see him for myself—he’s quite the swimmer!

Me:  Thanks!  I appreciate that!

OGST:  Is he African?

Me:  He was born in Ethiopia.

OGST:  I could tell because of how black he is!

Me:  Um…

(Before I could add anything else) OGST:  He your foster kid?  An exchange student or something?

Me:  No.  He is my son!  We have been a family for…

(Cutting me off) OGST:  Praise God.  It’s nice to see people like you gettin’ kids from a country with so many problems.

Me:  Well, Ethiopia is an amazing country with beautiful people and a wonderful culture.  I am blessed to have him as my son and have his birth country be Ethiopia.

OGST:  No, I meant Africa.  Africa has THE AIDS and stuff like that.

ME:  Sir, Africa is a continent—not a country.  And Africa has over 50…

(Cutting me off) OGST:  Well whatever.  Look at him go!

*I just swam to the other end of the pool and kept K with me.

Conversation of the day in Hawaii

Scene:  At the pool watching K swim circles around all the other kids and the parents are all commenting on how well he can swim!

Baby Boomer Sun Bather: You and your husband must be so proud.  What a cutie and a he’s a great swimmer.  Really confident!

Me:  Thank you, I am proud of him.  He loves to swim, but I am not married!

BBSB: Oh, did your husband leave you because you didn’t lose your baby weight fast enough?

Me: (taken aback) Um, I have never been married.  I adopted my son about 2 years ago from Ethiopia!

BBSB:  Hmmmmm (and rolled over to talk to another person!).

High Five for Friday—week of 08.15.11

*It is my goal that even when I kvetch, I still have an attitude of gratitude, so each Friday, I want to share at least 5 fantastical things that have happened to me!

1.  The episode of LA INK I was on aired last week and it was really good!  So grateful for the chance to share my story!

2.  Jacuzzi time to de-stress!

3.  Nap time with the kid!!!!!

4.  K telling me he loves “us”.

5.  21 days until Hawaii!

High Five for Friday—week of 07.22.11

*It is my goal that even when I kvetch, I still have an attitude of gratitude, so each Friday, I want to share at least 5 fantastical things that have happened to me!

PS—these aren’t in any particular order!

1.  Hanging with friends and boyfriend at the same time!

2.  Working out 5 days this week when 4 days was my goal!

3.  A vendor friend going to Barcelona and offering to pick up a purse I have been wanting that you can ONLY purchase in Spain!!!!!

4.  K telling me he loves me “this” much (arms spread really really really wide!).

5.  49 days until Hawaii!