Treyvon Bandwagon

So, you know I had to do it, right?  I know that this blog post won’t be about anything that y’all haven’t already heard, read or seen in the media, but still, as I sit here listening to my 4 year old son singing “Twinkle, Twinkle” in his room, I can’t NOT say something.  I am sad, frustrated, wounded and a little scared!

I know what African Americans have gone through in this country.  I know the history of this country and how minorities are treated today.  All I have to do is look at my own community and I can tell what’s going on.  I first heard about this story and obviously, I didn’t want to jump to conclusions.  As someone who has worked in the prison system and the daughter of a civil servant (retired fireman), I generally, think that police and the like do their due diligence!  I didn’t want to automatically think anything like this was race based.  I didn’t want to think that it’s another Florida death where the accused murderer got off.  I just didn’t want to assume anything. 

However, over the past few weeks, I can only think about what this inaction and confusion and finger pointing means for my son.  It also makes me think about our community and what our “friends” REALLY think about race and race related issues.  I have read so many posts on Facebook and Twitter and heard people’s opinions about how it was or wasn’t racially motivated.  I have read how people don’t “see” race, so they don’t understand how others can just assume that this was racially motivated.  I have read people getting mad and even incensed about people of color gathering around a cause and being frustrated or hurt or confused.  I have seen how some people just want to “sweep” it under the rug and get upset when we don’t just “walk in love!”

Well, I too am confused.  I too am frustrated.  How do I, a white woman who is OUTRAGED by this, explain this kind of thing to my son?  I know the simple answers and I am not looking for advise, but it does make me think!  Clearly, K and I are not having this conversation today, but someday, we will—this I know for sure.  How do I explain why talking about race is tough for some people but we do it all the time? 
I know that most of my questions (these and the other ones roaming around in my head) will work themselves out and when the time comes, I will be able to have a dialogue with K about such things.  I trust myself on that one.  I also feel that  even if I don’t have an answer for him, we can figure things out together or I will point him in the right direction or to the person who I hope can help him.  These are conversations that can wait for now, but this is a conversation that I need to add to the ever growing list of things that I know we will need to talk about; things we should most certainly talk about: Martin Luther King, Tsegaye Gabre-Medhin, Malcolm X, Rosa Parks, the Freedom Riders, Thurgood Marshall, Zora Nealle Hurston, Colin Powell, Alvin Ailey, Robel Teklemariam, Frederick Douglas, Sojourner Truth, Medger Evers, Langston Hughes, President Obama, Nelson Mandela and the like!

I don’t know… maybe this is just me brain dumping—it most likely is.  But please, parents, let’s have these kinds of talks with our kids.  Let’s open the doors of conversation about race and race related issues—not forcing them, but dealing with them.  Let’s celebrate how different we are, in a good way.  Let’s also put politics and religion and whatever aside and be outraged that this kid was killed. 

So...what you're saying is...

The Lighter the Skin, the Shorter the Prison Term?

By: Topher Sanders

Posted: July 5, 2011 at 12:01 AM

A recent study of women convicted of crimes shows that dark-complexioned blacks serve more time in jail.

Colin Powell said it, Sen. Harry Reid hinted at it about President Barack Obama, and black folks have known it for hundreds of years. There are advantages to being a light-skinned black person in the United States.

Research on those advantages isn’t new, but with the release of a recent study by Villanova University, the breadth of quantitative studies that examine colorism, or discrimination based on skin tone, continues to increase. From housing opportunities to employment chances to which women have a good shot at getting married, the lighter-is-better dynamic is at play, research shows.

Villanova researchers studied more than 12,000 cases of African-American women imprisoned in North Carolina and found that women with lighter skin tones received more-lenient sentences and served less time than women with darker skin tones.

The researchers found that light-skinned women were sentenced to approximately 12 percent less time behind bars than their darker-skinned counterparts. Women with light skin also served 11 percent less time than darker women.

The study took into account the type of crimes the women committed and each woman’s criminal history to generate apples-to-apples comparisons. The work builds on previous studies by Stanford University, the University of Colorado at Boulder and other institutions, which have examined how “black-looking” features and skin tone can impact black men in the criminal-justice arena.

But researchers say this is the first study to look at how colorism affects black women and how long they may spend in jail. Part of the reason may simply come down to how pretty jurors consider a defendant to be, and that being light-skinned and thin (also a factor studied in the research) are seen as more attractive, says Lance Hannon, co-author of the Villanova study.

Racism gets all the headlines, but colorism is just as real and impacting, Hannon explains. How “white” someone is perceived matters. “Colorism is clearly not taken as seriously or is not publicly discussed as much as racism, and yet these effects are pretty strong and the evidence is pretty strong,” he says. “It’s a very real problem, and people need to pay attention to it more.”

Christina Swarns, director of the Criminal Justice Practice for the NAACP Legal Defense and Educational Fund, says the study’s findings are part of a larger problem in how the justice system deals with African Americans. “It is obviously part and parcel of the problem of overincarceration of the African-American community in this country,” she says. “There is unquestionably … an association between race and criminality, and I think this study emphasizes how skin color plays an important role in that perception of a link between race and criminality.”

William Darity, professor of African-American studies and economics at Duke University and director of the Research Network on Racial & Ethnic Inequality, has studied the impact of skin shade on marriage rates for women and employment for men.

Darity says the Villanova study expands previous research and underscores a known truth. “This has been a long-standing issue and problem that all blacks don’t face the same type or degree of discrimination,” he says.

Treating people differently because of the lightness or darkness of their skin isn’t exclusive to whites. As an example, Darity cites his research, which found that there are “real” disadvantages for darker-skinned black women when it comes to their chances of getting married.

“And one would have to say that’s to a large degree the consequence of preferences on the part of black men,” he says. That same preference for lighter-skinned black women over darker-skinned black women is true for white men, Darity adds.

But there has been recent movement by the government to take colorism more seriously, Hannon says. He pointed to a 2008 initiative by the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that explicitly considers colorism. Hannon also notes that because the Civil Rights Act refers to “color” and not simply race, the door is open for litigation around colorism, which could also push the policy dial.

Darity believes that the benefits of light skin have to be addressed to cause change. “There are clear social and pecuniary benefits to being lighter-skinned in America,” Darity says. “Unless we eliminate those benefits, this will go on, because the advantages are real.”

Topher Sanders is a newspaper reporter living in Jacksonville, Fla., with his wife and son.

So…what you’re saying is…

The Lighter the Skin, the Shorter the Prison Term?

By: Topher Sanders

Posted: July 5, 2011 at 12:01 AM

A recent study of women convicted of crimes shows that dark-complexioned blacks serve more time in jail.

Colin Powell said it, Sen. Harry Reid hinted at it about President Barack Obama, and black folks have known it for hundreds of years. There are advantages to being a light-skinned black person in the United States.

Research on those advantages isn’t new, but with the release of a recent study by Villanova University, the breadth of quantitative studies that examine colorism, or discrimination based on skin tone, continues to increase. From housing opportunities to employment chances to which women have a good shot at getting married, the lighter-is-better dynamic is at play, research shows.

Villanova researchers studied more than 12,000 cases of African-American women imprisoned in North Carolina and found that women with lighter skin tones received more-lenient sentences and served less time than women with darker skin tones.

The researchers found that light-skinned women were sentenced to approximately 12 percent less time behind bars than their darker-skinned counterparts. Women with light skin also served 11 percent less time than darker women.

The study took into account the type of crimes the women committed and each woman’s criminal history to generate apples-to-apples comparisons. The work builds on previous studies by Stanford University, the University of Colorado at Boulder and other institutions, which have examined how “black-looking” features and skin tone can impact black men in the criminal-justice arena.

But researchers say this is the first study to look at how colorism affects black women and how long they may spend in jail. Part of the reason may simply come down to how pretty jurors consider a defendant to be, and that being light-skinned and thin (also a factor studied in the research) are seen as more attractive, says Lance Hannon, co-author of the Villanova study.

Racism gets all the headlines, but colorism is just as real and impacting, Hannon explains. How “white” someone is perceived matters. “Colorism is clearly not taken as seriously or is not publicly discussed as much as racism, and yet these effects are pretty strong and the evidence is pretty strong,” he says. “It’s a very real problem, and people need to pay attention to it more.”

Christina Swarns, director of the Criminal Justice Practice for the NAACP Legal Defense and Educational Fund, says the study’s findings are part of a larger problem in how the justice system deals with African Americans. “It is obviously part and parcel of the problem of overincarceration of the African-American community in this country,” she says. “There is unquestionably … an association between race and criminality, and I think this study emphasizes how skin color plays an important role in that perception of a link between race and criminality.”

William Darity, professor of African-American studies and economics at Duke University and director of the Research Network on Racial & Ethnic Inequality, has studied the impact of skin shade on marriage rates for women and employment for men.

Darity says the Villanova study expands previous research and underscores a known truth. “This has been a long-standing issue and problem that all blacks don’t face the same type or degree of discrimination,” he says.

Treating people differently because of the lightness or darkness of their skin isn’t exclusive to whites. As an example, Darity cites his research, which found that there are “real” disadvantages for darker-skinned black women when it comes to their chances of getting married.

“And one would have to say that’s to a large degree the consequence of preferences on the part of black men,” he says. That same preference for lighter-skinned black women over darker-skinned black women is true for white men, Darity adds.

But there has been recent movement by the government to take colorism more seriously, Hannon says. He pointed to a 2008 initiative by the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that explicitly considers colorism. Hannon also notes that because the Civil Rights Act refers to “color” and not simply race, the door is open for litigation around colorism, which could also push the policy dial.

Darity believes that the benefits of light skin have to be addressed to cause change. “There are clear social and pecuniary benefits to being lighter-skinned in America,” Darity says. “Unless we eliminate those benefits, this will go on, because the advantages are real.”

Topher Sanders is a newspaper reporter living in Jacksonville, Fla., with his wife and son.

“Um…Yeah, I’m his Mom!”

I know.  I know.  I am not the only person in a trans-racial family who has experienced this scenario!  I know I am not the only person who has to think before I speak back to strangers when asked this (or a variety of any other inappropriate questions).  I know that there will be a lifetime ahead of me to explain, defend, or even be dumbfounded by certain people, and I just have to get over it.  At this point, it just makes me laugh!  But here are a few scenarios that stick out!

Scene: Local Park

Three kids, clearly friends, but close in age to K!  We arrive and I let him go play.  I sit down on a bench to watch him (about 10 feet from where he is).  The mom/adult supervision of the other group stares at me and back at him as he is yelling, “Mommy, look at me!!!  I go on slide all by myself!!!”  I am clapping and cheering and telling him how proud I am of him!!!  Finally, I see her shifting in her seat and she leans over to say, “Oh I didn’t think you were his mother!  I mean, he is so dark!  I assumed you were his babysitter…or something!”  Now it’s at this point that I see K trying to “play” with the other kids (her “people”).  Before I can respond to her, I hear one of this kids comment on K’s skin color and say “Yucky!!!”  Again, before I can comprehend the scenario that’s happening on the playground, the mom continues, “I bet you aren’t his real Mom.  Are you like his stepmom?  So your husband is black, right?” 

Yes friends, I am in shock and awe at this point.  Do I slap her?  Not worth it!  Do I cuss her out?  Not worth it!  No… I just take a yoga breathe and think about the situation (Side note: I have been teaching K to do this when he gets frustrated and wants to throw a tantrum!  Take the yoga breathe baby!!!).  Not only is there ignorance happening in the adult zone, but there is racism happening on the recycled plastic jungle gym! 

My response to her was simple, “Actually, I don’t know who his Daddy is! (Her mouth dropped).  And yes, I am his real Mom!  And clearly your ignorance and bigotry is influencing the little people in your life.  You might want to deal with that!”  I stood up and went to K and asked him if he wanted to go on the swings!  He gladly jumped out of the wood chips, waved bye to them and ran off ahead of me while we played red light, green light!

Scene:  Target

Oh Target, you tempt me with your dollar bins and cute shoes.  You entice me with your food area and cheap triple feature movies, but you also house some crazies! 

Pushing K in the cart around Target and I am having him point out letters he sees and colors he recognizes.  He is talking up a storm and we are laughing, as usual.  Random shopper with her grandchild (I think/assume) says, “Well hello there!!!  Aren’t you a talker?”  I smile and instruct him to say thank you!  She seemed sweet enough…until, “You must get a lot of strange looks from people!”  I know what she means, but I want HER to say it out loud.  I respond with, “I am not sure what you mean?”  She guffaw’s, wants to say something but chooses not to and says, as she’s walking away, “Have a nice day!”  I scream back, “You too Ma’am!” with K saying, “See you later!!!”  In my mind, I am thinking, I sure hope we don’t see you later!

Non-laughable situations:

Urgent care doctor who wouldn’t even touch K

Urgent care nurse who kept asking K if I was his real mother and almost berating him by asking him the SAME question over and over again when I had an over 100 degree temp.

Parent at McDonald’s who grabbed her kid away from K and told her in a stern voice that she wasn’t allowed to play with those people.

Just to name a few! 

Elated Ignorance

I get my nails and feet done on a regular basis and I have been going to the same people for years.  Ann and Jenny are my girls!  They take good care of me when I hit the nail shop!  However, the topic lately (for the past several months) has been about my son.  Ann and Jenny are very sweet and alwaysask to see pictures of K.  They always comment on how big he is getting and how happy he looks.  They want to know how his English is coming along. They always inquire about what new foods he likes and whatnot.  Not only that, they are always concerned about how much I have to work and how much time K spends in childcare.  It is a genuine interest!!!  I can tell!

So let’s get to it!  Some of their comments utterly and completely INFURUATE ME!!!  Their statements thoroughly PISS ME OFF!!!  Not kidding at all!  Seriously, there have been times that I have wanted to get out of that wonderful heated, massage chair, kick them in the teeth and walk out and NEVER come back!  I would NEVER tolerate someone saying the things they do to me about adoption, birth parents, race, Africa, etc.  And if you know me, you know that I can smack you upside your head in a minute if you step to me wrong about any of these kinds of things! 

Because I am SOOOOOOOO passionate about these things, I feel it my responsibility, nay, my obligation, to educate or at least try to enlighten people who say such things.  Even if I can’t educate or enlighten, I can at least go off on them, right?!  No really, right???? 

Sadly, this doesn’t work with these women.  And here is how I have found my Zen place about this and their comments.  They don’t know any better! Honestly, they don’t!  Between our “basic” English conversations and me trying to “dumb down” (for lack of a better word) the process because, let’s face it, even native English speakers have a problem understanding the particulars of adoption, race and the orphan crisis.  Some native English speakers still think that Africa is just one big country (and not a continent) and that the various countries are just “states”!

I have tried to explain that I truly am K’s “real” parent.  I have tried to explain that you should not say things like, “He is so dark!!! Didn’t you want a lighter kid?”  I have reminded them that I don’t share K’s story with people because it’s his story to tell!  I have stressed the importance of not comparing me to Angie Jolie or Madonna.  I have tried to clarify that I didn’t “buy” my son.  I have attempted to inform them that you really shouldn’t verbalize that once his “parents” find out that he is living in America, they will be so happy!  I have repeatedly declared that you really shouldn’t say things like, “Didn’t you want your own kids?”  Not only that, I have frequently stated, you CANNOT ask a woman if she is barren!!!  EVER!!!

While my patience has run thin on this topic with them, I know it comes from a pure place of total ignorance and a serious language barrier!  Both of these women do not possess strong English speaking skills and the comprehension is low.  They constantly ask me to explain words to them since they know I am a “teacher” and they want to speak better English and understand more as well!  They are truly trying and for that, I say, you go girl!!! 

To make matters more complicated, I know NOOOOOOO Vietnamese!!!  So that doesn’t help, right?  But as I was saying, they are just ignorant!  The definition of ignorance is the “lack of knowledge or education.”  And I feel like this is truly fitting for this situation.  These women are truly happy for me.  These women always want to know what K is eating, how he is feeling, and what his favorite movie is.  These women always ask about him and show a genuine interest in him and our life together. 

While I am passionate about the aforementioned things, I am also passionate about loving people where they are at and not judging them!  I guess I just need to continue to chalk it up to “they just don’t know any better!”  And really, they don’t!  No, really, they don’t! 

PS—have I used enough exclamation points?  Yeah, I think so!!!

“Mama, I’m brown and you’re… (index finger tapping his bottom lip)…kinda brown”

Yes, more thoughts about my kid, race, and (possibly) adoption!  I know, I know, for those of you who hate the fact that my life has come down to me ONLY talking about my kid, let me say—go ahead and just close this screen out right now.  It’s about to happen again!

I get it!  I really do.  I have only been a mom for a year, so I am still working on the whole thing of balancing MY life, HIS life and OUR life!  I used to despise people who couldn’t talk about anything other than their kids.  But now I get it.  He has CONSUMED my life and I am proud to say that I love it.  Everything I do is for him.  Every choice I make affects him.  Every person I bring into our lives effects him.  So, every time I think about my life, it includes him.  And every racist, ignorant, and completely baffling encounter with a stranger pisses me off!!! 

So let’s get into it—I am ALWAYS aware of the race difference between K and me.  It’s not a secret, right?  We all know he’s black and I am white.  He will always be brown and I will always not be.  In an attempt to keep a dialogue going about race and how, even though we are different, we are still family, we always read books about race (Brown Like Me, All The Colors of the Earth, Black is Brown is Tan, The Color of Us, just to name a few) as well as books about diversity (Whoever you are, The Skin you live in, It’s Okay to be Different, Whose in a Family, etc).   But as I am sure that you can gather, what kind of REAL dialogue can I have with a 3 year old about the intricacies of race.  Ha!  You’d be surprised.  We actually have meaningful conversations about race that I hope are a part of our repartee for years to come!  I want him to know that we can talk about our differences, who we are as individuals, but also, who we are as a family; as people who love each other no matter what.

What I don’t get are adults who clearly DO NOT get it.  Why would you walk up to a stranger and say, “Wow, your kid sure is dark!”  or “Where are his REAL parents?” or my favorite (directed at him), “Is this your Mommy?  Are you sure?!”  Like I said before, EVERYTHING I say, affects him, so I curb my tongue on most occasions.  For the most part, I usually grunt, smile and walk away!  I know myself all too well and once I open that big ole mouth of mine—it’s over. 

Now don’t get all spiritual/judgmental on me—I am a Mama Bear, and I don’t care what anyone says, you mess wit (yes, I said wit) my baby and it’s SO on!  I guess that it really comes down to a few things.  Weren’t we given instructions, even as young children about how to treat others?  I mean really, this is Pre-school stuff.  Shouldn’t we just treat people like we want to be treated?  I don’t know, I guess I am just a dreamer… but I’m not the only one… right?

Nuff said!