“Um…Yeah, I’m his Mom!”

I know.  I know.  I am not the only person in a trans-racial family who has experienced this scenario!  I know I am not the only person who has to think before I speak back to strangers when asked this (or a variety of any other inappropriate questions).  I know that there will be a lifetime ahead of me to explain, defend, or even be dumbfounded by certain people, and I just have to get over it.  At this point, it just makes me laugh!  But here are a few scenarios that stick out!

Scene: Local Park

Three kids, clearly friends, but close in age to K!  We arrive and I let him go play.  I sit down on a bench to watch him (about 10 feet from where he is).  The mom/adult supervision of the other group stares at me and back at him as he is yelling, “Mommy, look at me!!!  I go on slide all by myself!!!”  I am clapping and cheering and telling him how proud I am of him!!!  Finally, I see her shifting in her seat and she leans over to say, “Oh I didn’t think you were his mother!  I mean, he is so dark!  I assumed you were his babysitter…or something!”  Now it’s at this point that I see K trying to “play” with the other kids (her “people”).  Before I can respond to her, I hear one of this kids comment on K’s skin color and say “Yucky!!!”  Again, before I can comprehend the scenario that’s happening on the playground, the mom continues, “I bet you aren’t his real Mom.  Are you like his stepmom?  So your husband is black, right?” 

Yes friends, I am in shock and awe at this point.  Do I slap her?  Not worth it!  Do I cuss her out?  Not worth it!  No… I just take a yoga breathe and think about the situation (Side note: I have been teaching K to do this when he gets frustrated and wants to throw a tantrum!  Take the yoga breathe baby!!!).  Not only is there ignorance happening in the adult zone, but there is racism happening on the recycled plastic jungle gym! 

My response to her was simple, “Actually, I don’t know who his Daddy is! (Her mouth dropped).  And yes, I am his real Mom!  And clearly your ignorance and bigotry is influencing the little people in your life.  You might want to deal with that!”  I stood up and went to K and asked him if he wanted to go on the swings!  He gladly jumped out of the wood chips, waved bye to them and ran off ahead of me while we played red light, green light!

Scene:  Target

Oh Target, you tempt me with your dollar bins and cute shoes.  You entice me with your food area and cheap triple feature movies, but you also house some crazies! 

Pushing K in the cart around Target and I am having him point out letters he sees and colors he recognizes.  He is talking up a storm and we are laughing, as usual.  Random shopper with her grandchild (I think/assume) says, “Well hello there!!!  Aren’t you a talker?”  I smile and instruct him to say thank you!  She seemed sweet enough…until, “You must get a lot of strange looks from people!”  I know what she means, but I want HER to say it out loud.  I respond with, “I am not sure what you mean?”  She guffaw’s, wants to say something but chooses not to and says, as she’s walking away, “Have a nice day!”  I scream back, “You too Ma’am!” with K saying, “See you later!!!”  In my mind, I am thinking, I sure hope we don’t see you later!

Non-laughable situations:

Urgent care doctor who wouldn’t even touch K

Urgent care nurse who kept asking K if I was his real mother and almost berating him by asking him the SAME question over and over again when I had an over 100 degree temp.

Parent at McDonald’s who grabbed her kid away from K and told her in a stern voice that she wasn’t allowed to play with those people.

Just to name a few! 

Who Knew…

That bra straps could be used as reigns on a horse?

That lip liner was a spaceship?

That a flashlight could contain pure joy/entertainment for over an hour?

That a box could be reused as a hiding place?

That a metal lunchbox doubles as a drum?

That makeup brushes are drumsticks?

That a washcloth is a hat?

That shoes are mittens?

That a plate is a shield?

That the large French fries container from McDonald’s is a glove, hat, shoe, and/or bullhorn?

That just about anything long and cylindrical (pencil, pen, marker, stick, etc) is a laser?

That the best phone conversations ever could be had on a broken, no longer in service cell phone?

Clearly, I know NOTHING!

Destination or Bridge?

I was reading a post by a friend of mine and what he was sharing really resonated with me; it practically reached out and screamed “pay attention to me Char!”.  He was talking about “the gift of perspective” and within that, he challenged whoever to really think about this—is this stop in life a destination or a bridge?  While, his post was about something totally different, it’s always so funny (not ha ha funny, but…) to me that even those couple of phrases, really spoke to me about where my life is at right now.  

For those of you who know me, I am a person who can truly compartmentalize the various facets of who I am.  I am so many things besides being Char.  I am a mom, friend, daughter, co-worker, sister, aunt, and (at times have been known to be) a girlfriend.  Clearly, I know that there are a lot more “components” to me than this, but you know…  As I was sayin…It is all of these parts of me that I really am trying to “work” on.  I want to be the most authentic, best version of myself that I can be.  I don’t always achieve “greatness” on a daily basis, but at the end of everyday, I reflect and say, “What do I need to repent for?  Who do I need to apologize to?  How can I be better tomorrow?”

One of the things that I know that I haven’t been thinking about is—is this place (today, this moment, this month, this relationship, this ________________ ) a bridge or a destination?! Not only that, I haven’t really reflected on past “things” in the same light.  Am I supposed to pitch a tent and take a nap “here”?  Or is this place where I am supposed to dig deep and put down roots?

I am so glad that I have people in my life who can share, truly, a phrase, that makes me stop in my tracks and compels me take note of something that I really need to examine in my life.  I want to live a life that is aware of the destinations and bridges.  I want to be a person who knows when to slow down, smell the roses but keep walking over that bridge and someone who needs to take advantage of the destination.  Ironically enough, I may only know which is which in hindsight!

The Power of the Do-Over

Lately I have been seeing a lot of my friends on FB mention that they would like a “do-over”.  For the most part they want a “do-over weekend” or a “do-over day!”  Very rarely do I hear them say that they want a “do-over” for some serious diarrhea or a UTI.  Nor do I see any status updates about a “do-over” case of the flu and a 103 temperature!  Even having said that, sadly, I can’t relate to the “do-over”.  Really, I want to.  I want to be able to say, “Girl, I totally feel you on that one!” but in all fairness, I don’t.  When I have a crappy day—I sure as heck don’t want a do-over.  I want that friggin’ day to be DONE.  GONE.  FINISHED.  When I have a great day, I want to log it into my memory as perfection and allow another remarkable day to ride in on the next sunrise! 

Is there something wrong with me?  Do I just not get the power of the “do-over”?  Do I not know the ins and outs of the how amazing the “do-over” is?