As you know, K and I have been a home, as a family, for 17 months. By all accounts we have attached REALLY well. My social worker has been “beyond pleased” with how we have attached to one another, he shows most of the signs for healthy attachment and my close circle of friends are amazed at how “well” he’s been doing.
But for the past 2 weeks, he has been almost physically attached to me when we are together. He does fine when I drop him off at school. He does fine when I leave him with my parents. He does fine when I leave him with his Auntie. However, when we are home, by ourselves, he is absolutely connected to me. He won’t watch a TV show without me sitting with him. And even then, he has to be sitting on me. If I get up to go to the bathroom or to the kitchen, all it takes is around 10 seconds and he is right there asking, “Where did you go! I was looking for you!”
The other day, I was in the garage doing laundry and I couldn’t hear him calling me until he was in a complete meltdown screaming for me. I run in to see if he is hurt and he is a blubbering mess asking me where I went! He kept saying, “I was looking for you and I couldn’t find you!!!” I know that this is still part of some abandonment issues that he’s working out (heck, let’s face it, most of us have abandonment issues and we weren’t, at one time, orphans!). I also know that this is when I should have the most patience with him… but, sometimes, it drives me crazy and annoys the HECK outta me!!! *Did I mention that it irritates me?
I would LOVE to be able to go to the bathroom without him coming in and sitting at my feet waiting for me. I would love to be able to return a phone call in the evening without him coming in crying, saying, “I thought you left!” I would love to cook dinner for us without him following me around the kitchen with his black stool (that I always trip over at least 5 times). It’s usually at that point that I get (beyond) frustrated with him… but it isn’t his fault and I know it! I know that this is the time when I need to exercise my patience even more with him. And 92% of the time, I do… *Still doesn’t mean that I don’t get angry that other 8% of the time!!!
Yet, I love him and this is who he is. I love every aspect of this amazing person whom I call my son! I adore that he is loving. I appreciate his love for life. I, not only love him, I really like who he is. So…I will continue to repeat that “Mommy ALWAYS comes back for K” and reassure him that I am not going anywhere. And continue to repeat, “Mommy loves you FOREVER!”
